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The Jerkoffs I Live Next To

Right now, it's 8:30 on a Friday night. The guy who lives in the apartment across from me has decided now's the time to blast his shit music. I'm hearing rock guitar, rock keyboards, and a heavy, repetitive base, as well as a fakey blues-ish Robert Plant want-to-be. He gets to play his shit music until 10pm, at which point I call building security. In the meantime, the jerkoff gets to live out his rock fantasy, and show all the neighbors he knows how to party and we're all a bunch of squares because he's got a stereo and he turned it on and turned the volume all the way up.

Then there's the guy who lives above me. He's crazy. I heard him once wake up from night terrors, screaming. He turns up his television all the way, and I can hear it in my apartment. I went upstairs to tell him about it and he told me, unbidden, "I sleep with it on." He's also got a dog (who, I think, must be driven insane with the constant blasting television) and this dog, on occasion, will bark and howl its way through a morning, or a night.

Then there's the guy who lives across from me on my floor. On occasion he will blast his shit music too and let everyone know he is rocking out to his weak soft-rock music with a female lead singer. I could say much, much more about him, but usually he's listening to his television at full volume.

The dialog on today's page of the Case of the Lacrosse Rape Hoax was much, much different, originally. Perhaps some day I'll release a version with the unedited dialog. In the meantime, I'm surrounded by inconsiderate assholes.

Comic transcript

We are inside the courthouse, and we see a sign on a door - "Durham District Attorney's Office".

Now we're inside the door and we see an older man with white hair and a square visage yelling into a phone "You got that, officer? I said, do you got that officer?"

Having received what must have been an assent over the phone, the Durham District Attorney says "That's right. You do not cooperate with that red-suited son of a bitch." (We know he's talking about Crimebuster, who's investigating the rape allegation.

The District Attorney listens silently on the phone. Then, suddenly, angrily, he slams the phone hard into the receiver, hanging up.

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